Thursday, December 19, 2013

And Our Next Adventure Begins!

In August, I told my mom that I stopped taking my birth control. She was more excited than I was, and so happy that I would start trying to have a baby. Momma wanted that baby - probably more than I did. When I returned from my UK trip in October, she asked almost every two weeks, 'Are you pregnant yet?'. That's why, when I took the pregnancy test on the morning of 12.15.2013, my range of emotions about the situation varied.



  1. Shock. I'm not sure why I was shocked - considering I knew the exact dates of when Charlie and I had sex, when I was ovulating, and when I would be menstruating: all due to how extremely I have tracked this information over the past 5 years to ensure I didn't have an unplanned pregnancy. But I found myself shocked anyway. I didn't expect it, I just took the test because I was little late - but I thought my body was still adjusting to its usual cycle not being controlled by birth control. The test was just in case. I found myself just staring at the test for a minute
  2. Excitement. Next, I was excited for the thought of a life growing inside of me. I was excited for the reaction that I knew would come when I told my husband. He wanted this almost as much as my mom did.
  3. Guilt. That thought of my mom - that made my brief moment of excitement make me feel guilty. My Mom. God I miss her so much. She wanted this baby like no one could understand. She wanted to see me be a mom. And because I waited so long to try for kids, she didn't get to see that.
  4. Sadness. That guilt, that thought of mom never getting to meet my babies, me never getting to see her hold them - that brought on a sadness I didn't want to realize. Mom obsessed about her grandchildren. She had to see them more than once a week, and loved nothing more than playing with them. She wanted so badly to be that amazing Nana to my babies too, but I didn't give them to her in time.
  5. Fear. Terrified is more like it. Fear is a normal emotion to experience in regards to pregnancy, but losing your mom so suddenly less than a month before you find out your pregnant - now that's a whole other reason to be scared. I always turn to my mom for advice for work, school, life, everything - how am I supposed to learn how to be a mom and raise children without her? Even in this last month, in regards to my life, I'm having a hard time making decisions without talking to her. There is no way that I'm going to be able to do this without her. My fear, is that I won't be the best mom I can be because she is not here to teach me. I know that I've learned the best from her, and it's my responsibility to take it... but there is only so much you can learn and retain before experiencing it for yourself. 
  6. And finally, Comfort. After just being slapped in the face with all the emotions I didn't want to face, I found a small sense of comfort. Almost a sense of purpose. Something telling me that I am supposed to do this. Telling me that even though my mom isn't here, I have to plow forward and do the things in my life that she would want for me. I have to finish school (slowly still, but finish), I have to raise a beautiful family, I have to be a good wife and mom, I have to give more not take, care about people more, and forgive. I have to be the person that my mom wanted to watch me be. I have to be the mom that she would have been proud of. I find comfort in now feeling a sense of purpose, because after my mom passed - I didn't have one. I lost all goals and ambitions, because I wouldn't be able to share my accomplishments with her. With this baby - this tiny little person growing inside of me - I have been given a purpose, and I can only hope that I will be a quarter of the mom that my mom is.
As this little baby may one day read this - I want you to know that I love you, and I am excited for the future, yours and mine. I am happy that you are on your way, and I promise to always  do my best to support you like my mom supported me, to be there for you no matter what, and be the best mom I can be. Your Nana, though you'll never get to meet her - loved you before she knew you existed, and would have been the greatest person you'd ever met. If you are a girl - I only hope that with your life, you will honor her name by wearing it proudly.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

British Museum, Queen's Private Church, and London Eye. 09-30-2013

Today held some frustration among the adventures. It started out with a bus and subway ride into London, and a long walk to locate the British Museum. Once we arrived, we stopped outside the gates to get some chili-dogs, and frustrate our husband by feeding the pigeons ;)
The British Museum does not charge an entrance fee, but does have areas set up for donations. We walked through the ancient Roman exhibit, the Viking exhibit (my favorite), the Egyptian exhibits, and much, much more. The museum is massive - and we honestly could have spent several days walking through it. Unfortunately, it was inside the museum that I realized I left my SD card in my computer from the night before - and could not take any photos. This also happened to be the only day on the trip so far that both Angie and I left our backpacks at the apartment - containing all extra camera supplies. This was the first frustration - but to my expensive luck, a Cannon store was nearby where I was able to purchase another SD card to document the rest of the day.


After the British Museum, we set out to locate the Knight's Templar. This was high on Matt's list of places to find, and we probably spent a total of two hours trying to locate it. This marked the second frustration of the day - our inability to locate the Knight's Templar. However, like everything else this trip held - we stumbled upon a pleasant surprise during our search. On a side street, we found a man updating printed pictures and signs on a corner of a small black fence. We asked him for directions to the Templar, and pointed us in the right direction, but not before asking us if we wanted to view his church. We initially said yes out of courtesy, but he then explained that he is responsible for maintaining the small, but private church of the Queen of England. He said that the Queen pays for all maintenance and fees for this church out of her own pocket. The man explained that the church is not open to the public, but wanted to show us around. He proceeded to explain that someone from the royal court visits the church 1-2 times per year, and his faced glowed with pride upon telling us that they are expecting someone very soon - and that they have been working their hardest to make the church look perfect. During our tour of this quaint church, a group of people came to the door to look inside, and they were told that this was a private church - and not allowed inside.



After the Queens church, we set out to find the Templar again - with no success. So we decided to get lunch instead. We stopped at an Australian eatery and marked off a couple more items on our bucket list; tasking kangaroo, and drinking a fishbowl beverage.


We then headed to the London Eye. The lines were ridiculously long, and since we at the end of our trip- we just paid the extra 10 pounds to skip the lines. All I can say about that - totally worth it! It would be getting dark soon, and we had some buses and subway trains to catch back to our apartment. (By the way - the creepers definitely come out in full force at night time. Though my dear husband Charlie didn't notice a single thing, Angie and Matt found it hilarious that Angie and I kept getting stared at. haha). Anyway, the London Eye was simply amazing! Here are some photos from that:
View from the eye





Me and Angie

Charlie and I

Charlie, me, Angie, and Matt
Matt photo-bombing Charlie

Matt and Angie

This was essentially the last of our trip. We slept in the London apartment this night, and flew back to Dublin the next day. We settled in a bed and breakfast in Dublin, walked the Temple Bar District (which I recommend over the other parts of Dublin), got some beers, and relaxed the rest of the day. That evening, we watched a traditional Irish Dancing show, with a local band as the opening act. This was performed at the Arlington Hotel in the Temple Bar District. I did not get photos, but the performance was purely outstanding. If you ever find your self in Dublin - be sure to see this show.